On Too Long Days

These days, time moves slow, too slow. I have bad dreams and I wake up tired and then the day starts and the house is falling down around me and how will I ever get this mold-smell out of the basement for my open house and I feel unprepared for the VBS lesson I'm supposed to teach tomorrow and pictures keep falling off my display board and I don't have time for this and my friend's too busy to talk to me and we don't have the kind of bread I like and I squabble with my mom about something that doesn't matter and will this day ever end?

And sometimes I wonder why this is happening to me, these things, rotting house and no insurance and unsteady income and broken down car. These things don't happen to Alaina, girl of big white house on lake and happy family and large closet full of clothes. These things happen to far-distant people I meet on mission trips and mail checks to.

Yes, it all seems unreal right now, and yes, in the midst of long days I let myself get stressed and frustrated and I don't act at all like one should act who's bought with the grace of Christ Jesus and I am ashamed and discouraged.

Yet, daily, I see Him in this. In the way He led me to carefully learn joy in small things right before I needed it in the big. In the encouragement, kind words, prayers, offers of help, and even bouquets of flowers from so many dear friends. In verse after verse I read in His word about His plans, in how I find Him to be Enough, even now.

“Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost. 
Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and you will delight in the richest of fare.

 Give ear and come to me;
listen, that you may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David. 
See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a ruler and commander of the peoples.
Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations you do not know will come running to you,
because of the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor.”

Seek the Lord while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.

 Let the wicked forsake their ways
and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts. 
As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,  
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.  
Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown,
for an everlasting sign,
that will endure forever.”
~Isaiah 55

I have found Him, this God of wisdom and purpose and faithfulness, over and over again in these too long days, and have been refreshed in Him. I've learned so many wonderful new things about Him, and have been awed again and again by Him, and yes, have even been filled with His joy.

How perfect are His ways, how unendingly glad I am to know Him.

I'm closing with a story I found on Ann Voksamp's wonderful, wonderful blog, aholyexperience.com. I hope you'll share it with anyone else you know who's living too-long days right now.

A white stallion had rode into the paddocks of an old man and all the villagers had congratulated him on such good fortune.

And the old man had only offered this: “Is it a curse or a blessing? All we can see is a sliver. Who can see what will come next?”

When the white horse ran off, the townsfolk were convinced the white stallion had been a curse. The old man lived surrendered and satisfied in the will of God alone: “I cannot see as He sees.”

And when the horse returned with a dozen more horses, the townsfolk declared it a blessing, yet the old man said only, “It is as He wills and I give thanks for His will.”

Then the man’s only son broke his leg when thrown from the white stallion. The town folk all bemoaned the bad fortune of that white stallion. And the old man had only offered, “We’ll see. We’ll see. It is as He wills and I give thanks for His will.”

When a draft for a war took all the young men off to battle but the son with the broken leg, the villagers all proclaimed the good fortune of that white horse. And the old man said but this, “We see only a sliver of the sum. We cannot see how the bad might be good. God is sovereign and He is good and He sees and work all things together for good.”

How He's shown me this the past few weeks: All is grace. And in too-long days, how glad I am to know how much bigger than me He is.