Beautiful?

Project 31, day 1!

There are many different things I call "beautiful": scenery, acts of kindness, physically attractive people, godly people, a rabbit with good type (remember folks, I own a rabbit business here, so it makes sense...kinda? ;), a pretty vase or painting, getting my schoolwork done quickly, etc.

So my first Project 31 assignment made me think. What is beauty, really? Somehow rabbit-beauty and godliness-beauty just don't seem related.

 In hopes of nailing down the definition of beauty, I decided to carry around a notebook for a couple days and jot down every truly beautiful thing I saw. So here's a list of the things I deemed beautiful today and yesterday: 

-My morning quiet time with God. Nothing but Him and me. Stillness, for once!  I am most aware of His beauty then.
-My mom getting up at 6 AM to joyfully prepare a healthy breakfast for my dad and me. That's servanthood...a mirror of the Biblical example of a godly woman.
-My friend's singing. Oooh, it is gorgeous. She has this solo she sings every week in choir, but it still gives me chills after all the times I've heard it.
-A friend who just listens.  Sometimes it seems everyone in our culture talks and talks. So when someone  takes the time to just stop and listen, I find that truly beautiful! This specific friend has been such a huge blessing to me.
-Boys who act like gentlemen. I love it when guys open doors for ladies and treat them respectfully. Chivalry is an art that seems lost in our generation, so I really do appreciate when a guy makes an effort to treat me and other girls considerately.
-A girl I know who joyfully gives up two nights a week to serve a disabled boy from our church. I want that kind of generosity!
-A new snowfall. Gorgeous!
-A girl from choir who is always smiling and upbeat. Whenever I see her, she pays me some kind of compliment and always brightens my day. She is always looking around to see who she can encourage. I long for that Christ-like inner beauty.

At first glance, early breakfasts, beautiful singing, and snowfalls may not seem to have much in common, but actually, I think there's a clear connection between everything on my list: each thing is a reflection of God's glorious nature. Servanthood was the focus of Jesus' life. Snow and singing are pictures of His incredible creations, gifts to His children. Others-centeredness and joyfullness are His qualities, and people who emulate them so beautifully are filled with His Spirit.

Something is beautiful to me when it reminds me of my Savior. Oh, that I may decrease, so His beauty can fill my life more fully!

Project 31

So I've decided to try something new on my blog. This lovely lady Mandy over on her blog, She Breathes Deeply, has started a super-cool project to celebrate Biblical beauty-- the kind exemplified by the Proverbs 31 woman. Here's how it works: for 31 days, I'll be posting something about true beauty. This is the list Mandy proposes:

Day 1. What does beauty mean to you?
Day 2. What makes you uniquely you?
Day 3. Who is someone you know who inspires beauty?
Day 4. Style 31. Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.
Day 5. Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.
Day 6. Jaded beauty. Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?
Day 7. Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman.
Day 8. Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)? Share, please!
Day 9. What virtues do you value in yourself?
Day 10. What is Jesus teaching you as a wife, mom, or friend? (Or just woman in general?)
Day 11. Post a recipe. Or if you don't cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).
Day 12. Write about what wears you out as a woman.
Day 13. Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.
Day 14. Style 31. Post an outfit pic!
Day 15. Write to encourage a friend. Inspire her beauty.
Day 16. Write a letter to your daughter, or a young girl in your life. Tell her what beauty means.
Day 17. Write about 3 things that make you happy.
Day 18. Describe your personality.
Day 19. Write about your favorite comfort food (we are women- we ALL have comfort food!)
Day 20. Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.
Day 21. Write a letter to your husband to encourage him (or if you are single- your future husband.)
Day 22. What are some needs that need to be met in your community? Blog about how to extend your hand to those who need you.
Day 23. What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses?
Day 24. What is Jesus teaching you presently?
Day 25. Style 31. Post a pic of your favorite comfy clothes.
Day 26. What do you hope your grandchildren will say about you someday when you are gone?
Day 27. Write a blog to encourage someone and build their confidence!
Day 28. Write about your insecurities as a woman.
Day 29. Write about "a day in the life of me." (Pics are great!)
Day 30. Who is your role model as a woman?
Day 31. Write about your dreams and goals as a beautiful woman!

I'm really excited about this! I won't be posting every day, but over the next couple months, I'll try to cover all 31 days. Readers, I'd love to have you follow along on this little journey. And bloggers, why not join in on the project? :)

A lot to be thankful for.

I am one of the most festive people I know. I'm pretty sure I got it from my Kindergarten teacher, who turned every day she could into a holiday. I went to Kindergarten at my Church, and our classroom was in the same hall as our pastor's office. Every day, we had to tip-toe and whisper up the hallway so as not to disturb the pastor from his studies. However, every once in a blue moon, there would be a sign on the pastor's door saying he was not there. In my 5-year-old world, those were the best days of life: our entire Kindergarten class, including my teacher, would run, screeching at the top of our lungs, through the hallway. And I'll never forget our groundhog's day celebration, where each student had to eat an entire bowl of jelly beans without using his hands. Most of the holidays we celebrated in Kindergarten I'd never even heard of before, but if it was on the calendar, (or even if it wasn't) we partied it up big time. Yom Kippur, Japanese New Year...you name it, we had it. We even had such an huge party after completing 100 days of schoolwork that to this day I throw myself a party every year on my 100th day of school. Once I even baked myself a cake.

Anyway, I am that girl who counts down the days until November 5th every year so she can start listening to Christmas music on 100.3. The one who asks for Christmas decorations for Christmas. Who has a drawer reserved only for Christmas jewelry. Who makes her piano students start playing Christmas songs the first week in November. As I said to try to make my 13-year-old piano student feel somewhat better about playing themed musical games before every holiday (while I was pulling out my Thanksgiving-themed musical bingo board at our lesson yesterday) "By now, you probably know I just can't do holidays without major celebration."

(I was SO excited that my dad put up the Christmas lights early this year. :)

 Unfortunately, this festiveness sometimes makes me forget the real significance of holidays. I get so excited about decorating my entire house in my favorite color for Valentine's day that I forget the day is actually in honor of a saint. I get so busy painting Easter eggs I forget to rejoice in my Lord and Savior. So this Thanksgiving, I don't want to get so caught up in making Oreo turkeys with the kids I babysit that I forget to thank God for turkeys and Oreos and small children and all the other things there are to be thankful for. I look at my life and I am amazed by how blessed I am. I have a loving family, a warm house with a fireplace, slippers, hot cocoa, mashed potatoes, cookies shaped like pilgrim's hats, and so many other things that other people don't get to enjoy this time of year. And I don't take enough time thanking the One who has provided me with all this bounty. So this Thanksgiving week, I'm going to conscientiously set aside time every day just to thank God. Not to ask Him for anything, not to pray for guidance or wisdom or safety or anything else, just to thank Him. Will you join me in this Thanksgiving challenge? I know we will be blessed when we take a step back from holiday festivities to thank our awesome God.  

"I'm giving my life to the only one who makes the moon reflect the sun.

Every Starry Night, that was His design.
I'm giving my life to the only Son, who was and is and yet to come
Let the praises ring, 'cause He is everything!"

A beautiful silence

"Wow! That song looks so easy. I remember when I played it!" "You don't know the answer to that question? I learned it forever ago!"

I always cringe when I'm teaching back-to-back piano lessons and the next student arrives before I'm done teaching the kid before him. Sometimes the kids don't understand how hurtful their remarks can be, and I'm left desperately scrambling to cover an especially hurtful statement as I watch the tears well up in the eyes of one of my sensitive young pianists.

"Now Joey, think how hard that song was for you when you first learned it!" I'll say to the offender, and I can almost see his brain painstakingly working to recall the not-so-distant time before he graduated from Old McDonald and moved to Row Your Boat. "Ellie just started taking lessons, and she's catching on very quickly!" And turning to her, I say "Wonderful job today, honey!" and I give her a sucker and a quick hug and she's smiling by the time her mom arrives. Whew.

We learn to keep him hidden, but I think there's one of those attention-seeking children in each of us. We long for someone to give us credit, to affirm us, to tell us we're important, we did well, we're beautiful and talented. We always want to be first. How often have you told a friend something you found exciting or important, only to have him top it with his own bit of news, leaving you feeling disappointed and even a little stupid? Or how many times have you done that to someone else?

I've been in both positions. I've been left feeling hurt and discouraged because a friend must always give her two cents when I just need someone to talk to. But too often, I am that friend, still learning that sometimes an understanding silence, a kind smile, or a squeeze of the hand speaks far louder than words. Sometimes a simple affirmation of a person's triumphs or griefs is better than any advice I can give or stories I can relate. Sometimes love is best shown through listening.

I'm going to work to silence that attention-seeking child inside myself and learn to "be humble and give more honor to others than to [myself and to]...not be interested only in [my] own life, but be interested in the lives of others" (Phil. 2:3-4).

Will you join me?

A Martha Mentality

If you've grown up in the Church like I have, I'm sure you've heard the story of Martha and Mary. You know the one: Martha running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to prepare the house, while her sister, Mary, sits quietly at Jesus' feet.

As much as I'd like to tell myself that, had I been there, I would have been plopped down next to Mary, listening rapturously to Jesus, somehow I don't think this is the case. You see, I am one of those crazy individuals who feels lost without a to-do list, will not only plan every second of my own life but every second of yours, who lives to be over-prepared for anything and everything, and who will steal your papers, books, etc. to try to color code them. You get the picture: I'm one of those Martha-at-hearts.

I think there are two tendancies for those of us with Martha Metnatlities:

1. Judging the Marys of the world. "But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to Him [Jesus] and asked, 'Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!'"  (Luke 10:40). I have often been in Martha's position, feeling like I have to control the situation: "If I don't do this, no one else will! But it'd sure be nice if someone would help me!" Or "They are so disorganized! If I were in their position..." This leads to:

2. Forgetting people are more important than stuff....and people don't fit on a to-do list. "'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better...'" (Luke 10:42). It's easy to get too hooked to your to-do list and not spend enough time on what's really important: listening to others, loving them, serving them. In judging the Marys of the world, sometimes we forget that they are spending time on far more important things than organizing and list-writing. I'm not at all saying those things are bad, but sometimes we need to take a break from our to-do list, look around, and say, "Have I been so consumed with my own agenda that I've forgotten to love others?" We need to get our priorities straight.

There's someone in all of our lives who needs to see we'll take the time away from our busy schedules to care about them or listen to them. How can you be a Mary today?

A day gone great

I've been having a rough couple weeks for multiple reasons. So when I woke up yesterday morning, there was really only one word that accurately described my state of mind: Bleh. I did not want to face the day, and I certainly did not want to be up at the ungodly hour of 6 AM with an enormous amount of things to accomplish. But here's pretty much how my day went:

1. I read my wonderful friend's inspiring blog post about choosing to have a good day.
2. I received a super encouraging, sweet email from my American Literature teacher from last year.
3. I finished school by lunchtime. (Which never happens)
4. I received a very encouraging email from one of my favorite people.
5. I taught a group lesson to four of my extremely enthusiastic and lively piano students. I decided any job in which you can get a picture like this while supposedly "working" is an incredible job:

6. I finished two projects I've been working on for several weeks.
7. My youth group featured a very inspiring Bible study lesson and sang one of my favorite praise songs during worship. Then, afterward, as I was talking with one of the eighth-grade girls while eating one of the most delicious chocolate-peanutbuttery things I have ever eaten, she randomly told me she thought I was "very pretty." 
8. I got home, only to find that the mother of one of my students had left me an extremely encouraging and uplifting message.

Besides this, I also: ate one of my favorite foods for dinner, had a boy from youth group give up his seat for me, got told I was skinny, got hugged multiple times by appreciative piano students, and ate a chocolate pumpkin. Yep, I think it was a pretty good day.

It's crazy to think that the God of the universe cares when I'm having a bad day, but it's so clear He does.  I've been so blessed to be surrounded by such an encouraging community of people, and all the little things those people do make such a big difference. It makes me realize what an impact you can have on someone's day if you just take the time to write them a quick note or give them a heartfelt compliment. What if we all made it our goal to make the day of each person we come in contact with a little bit brighter?

Yesterday was a day gone great, and I'm praising God for that. But even when days don't go great, I want to stay joyful. My Savior died for my sins. He is willing to listen to me whenever I want to talk to Him. He provides everything I need. My God--not anything this life can give--is the true source of joy.

I have a beautiful house, a loving family, a closet stuffed full of clothes and a pantry full of delicious food. I need to get my eyes of myself and start loving those around me more. And if I can ever give anyone the kind of day my friends and family gave me yesterday, I'll know I've succeeded.

A heart torn in two

If you'd entered our house anytime between 11 am and 4:30 pm today, you would've found two girls knee-deep in college applications, essays, interview questions, scholarship apps, pretzel m&m's, ginger snaps, and pop tarts.

Needless to say, we were having an app marathon. After finishing every college essay, submitting every college app, and getting a good start on the scholarships, we made a celebratory visit to Panera's.

I've always been excited for college. Venturing out on my own, living in a dorm, making new friends, cheering my lungs out for my sports teams, even turning in college papers and participating in class discussions: everything connected with college thrills me. Ever since visiting my first college at the beginning of tenth grade, I've been counting down the days till I sent in my first app.

That is, until the day actually arrived.

I felt kind of lost today after I pressed the "submit" button on that final application, and it wasn't just because I'd had too many pop tarts. When I go off to college, everything will be different. I'll make new friends. I'll only see my parents on holidays instead of every day. I'll join a new choir. I'll eat new foods. My life will change.

I guess I never realized how much I love my life before.

I shiver and my heart literally starts aching when I think about leaving behind all those I love. When I come home after four years of school, things will be different. I'll be an independent young woman, ready to get a full-time job and enter the real world. The girls I love and know like sisters now will start getting married, moving away, starting families. We'll still be friends, but it will be different. My heart is torn--I want this year to end so I can begin a new phase of life--but I can't face the end of what I know, of my friendships as I know them, of my being a young, dependent girl.

"For I know the plans I have for you," He whispers to me.

And though I want to doubt, to be scared for my future, to cry about leaving life as I know it behind, I have to trust. He created the universe. He knows me better than I know myself. He loves me more than anything I can imagine. He promises me that He has incredible plans for me. And it is all I can do to lay myself in His arms, praising Him for Who He is, for the way the Creator of the Milky Way and of human life cares about little me.

And once again my Savior brings me unmeasurable peace and comfort, and once again I surrender my life to the control of this loving Lord and Father who holds me in His arms and pours His grace over me.

And there's no where else I'd rather be.

Breakfast with Frank

My stomach churned as I sat perched on a metal folding chair in the center of the room. I looked at the clock. 9:59. One more minute! And sure enough, just as the small hand reached the 10, in they came.

I hadn’t known what to expect—I had always been sheltered, never exposed to the kind of poverty I was seeing on this mission trip to the supposedly prosperous New York City. I gasped as the most bedraggled group of people I had ever seen entered the room. Men and women in ripped, dirty shirts, hair mattered, teeth missing, smelling of garbage and unwashed bodies. I looked down at my own carefully ironed, spotless white capris and cursed myself for not wearing sweatpants. How uppity and selfish we must seem to these people! They walked to this feeding program in blazing heat for a small bowl of oatmeal, and I complained if my mom didn’t buy the kind of cereal I liked. They didn’t own a change of clothes, and my closet was filled to overflowing.

I anxiously watched the homeless men and women receive their small breakfast and look for a place to sit. A middle-aged man in a tattered green shirt moved in my direction, and I gulped as he sat down in the folding chair directly across from mine. Smiling, I reached for his dirt-caked hand. “Hi, I’m Alaina! It’s a pleasure to meet you!” I tried not to think about how long it had been since the hand had been washed. “I’m Frank,” he said, showcasing a large, toothless grin. We both began eating our oatmeal, me desperately trying not to notice the terrible odor emanating from him. For a while we talked of things such as the towns where we were born, our families, our favorite things to do. And then slowly we moved into the topic of religion. I was amazed by Frank’s words. Here I was to encourage Frank, and he was the one teaching me. “Whatever happens, trust in the Lord!” Frank said. “My whole life, God has provided me with everything I’ve needed. I’m so thankful for all that He’s given me. Just trust Him, and He’ll meet all your needs!” I stared at the man in front of me. He didn’t have food or a home, let alone decent clothes to wear. And he was telling me how thankful he was?

Slowly, I realized Frank was right. Jesus had died for Frank and saved him from eternal punishment. That should be enough to make anyone thankful. Yet God had done even more than that. He had kept Frank healthy and safe for many years. He had provided feeding programs like this one so Frank wouldn’t have to go hungry. He had blessed Frank with a Church family who uplifted and encouraged him. And Frank, who had fewer material possessions than I probably ever will, was more thankful than I had ever been.

I left the feeding program that day with a humbled heart and eyes opened to the small blessings contained in every day. I realized that thankfulness should not fluctuate with circumstances, for God’s Word commands us to “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Th 5:16-18, NIV). I never want to forget how incredibly blessed I am. If I can remember the simple appreciation Frank taught me that day, my life will never be the same.

To Build an Ark

Last night my family and I watched a movie called "Evan Almighty." It was really quite a humorous, cheesy film, but it did make some interesting points. It follows the life of a politician named Evan who gets elected on his campaign promise to change the world. To make a long story short, God explains to Evan that the way to change the world is through one act of random kindness at a time. He then basically turns Evan into Noah and commands him to build an ark. The point is that just as Noah changed the world by building a physical ark, Evan had the opportunity to change the world through A Random Kindness. Yeah, a little cheesy, but it still made me think.

God made each one of us to further His kingdom--to change the world for Him. No, we might not become the Noah of today, but we can certainly make a difference in a lot of people's lives. God has equipped each of us with tools we can use to impact others. Some of us are encouraging, some can make people laugh, some are good teachers, some can bless others through music, some can build things for others, still others can give financially. Some people are made to listen to others. Each talent is a gift from God, and it is to be used to change the lives of those around us. 

Think about what would happen if every believer woke up in the morning and asked God, "What is one way I can serve You today?" and then went out and did it. Something as simple as putting a quarter in the parking meter of the person next to you or simply taking the time to listen to what someone has to say without adding your own commentary...even the smallest act can make someone's day just a little bit brighter. If you are alive today, God has a very specific purpose for you to fulfill! He's given you the tools you need...now go out and build that ark.

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." ~1 Corinthians 6:12

A color-coded life

I always get super excited about planning new things. I've noticed that I subconsciously see every problem as a new opportunity to plan a solution. For instance, if I realized I didn't have enough humility, I'd think "Ok, let's see here, I can fix this. If I just make this color-coded schedule for myself, at these times I'll do a humility check. That will make me more intentional about living humbly. I can also have this email reminder sent to myself, and do a nightly self-evaluation, and go to the library and look up books about humility, and talk to my best friend and see what she says about humility, and..." I'd carry on with that plan until I realized I was short on another quality. Then I'd start working on that one.

Sometimes I try to do this with my life. I like being prepared. I want to know exactly what being a follower of Christ means for me every second of each day. I try to color-code my life. I deceive myself into thinking that if I come up with a plan, I can follow Him better.

In reality, that's not what He wants me to do. Relying on my own plans shows a great lack of faith, a lack of trust in the unmeasured love and wisdom of my Father. I can't fix myself. I can't follow Him well on my own. Thinking that I can is pride. However, In Mathew 21:21, Jesus offers a much simpler solution: "if you have faith and do not doubt...if you say to this mountain, 'Be removed and be cast into the sea," it will be done. And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."

Sometimes it's hard for me to wrap my head around, but we don't have to make a color-coded spreadsheet in order to live for Christ. We just have to trust Him. And pray. He can make me more humble than millions of email reminders and library books. Simply spending time in prayer with Him is a better use of my time than making monthly lists of goals and daily random acts of kindness calendars. If He can move mountains, He can certainly change me. To follow Him, we truly just have to let Him lead us. And when we read His word, pray, and listen, He will lead us better than any carefully-prepared, color-coded, moment-by-moment plan ever could. He can turn us in to someone we can't be on our own.

"I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in Your word." ~Psalm 119:147

Unworthy



Once upon a time I thought gentleness was an outward quality. Someone was gentle if they had a thick filter between their brain and their mouth. If they thought about a person's feelings before expressing something. If they were sweet and sensitive. However, that was before I completed the latest lesson in my Beth Moore Bible study. Come to find out, gentleness really isn't something expressed on the outside. Gentleness is an inward grace of the soul, a gentle submission to God's will for our lives resulting from acceptance that His dealings with us will draw us closer to Him. In order to have a truly gentle spirit, we must recognize that the way up in God's economy is always down. James 4:10 says, "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up." This meekness stems not from weakness. In fact, bowing is often harder than standing tall.  In Beth's words, gentleness is the "power and strength created from submitting to God's will."

The gentleness of submission is best seen through the example of the disciple Peter. Peter began as a cowardly disciple, so concerned for His own safety that he denied his Lord not once, but three times. However, in John 21, Peter pledged to truly follow Christ. This complete submission gave Peter the courage to joyfully accept God's will for him. Sitting here in a comfortable home, surrounded by loving family and friends, situated in a beautiful, free country, it is hard for me to imagine the magnitude of Peter's decision to unceasingly follow Christ. Yet Peter went on to fearlessly preach the gospel, and later to be crucified for the Savior he once refused to be associated with. The catch? Peter insisted that he be crucified upside down, because he was unworthy to be crucified in the same manner as his Lord.

When we bow down to our Savior, we admit that our worth comes from God alone. We are not worthy even to die in the way that He died. Yet He lets us call Him our Father. He lets us talk to Him about any little thing we want to. He calls us His friends, His children, His witnesses here on earth. Oh, how I long for Peter's gentle spirit of submission. How I long for the humility to submit to Him in everything!

Be joyful, long-sufferers!

Be joyful, long suffering friends and family! You will no longer have to endure long philosophical conversations, long emails, or any other long-winded communication! My blog is my new outlet for the thoughts I am always so ready to share! Be prepared for lots of posts...my brain never wants to shut down!