A Trail of Blood

My heart thuds and my palms fill with sweat as I sit on the hard church pew, watching a video about Sarah, the editor of a Chinese Christian newspaper. One night, soldiers seize Sarah from her home, drag her to an abandoned warehouse, and beat her severely. While Sarah screams in agony, the soldiers mercilessly burn her with a cigarette butt and force her to spend the night in chains, shuffling around the warehouse, leaving behind a trail of blood. Sarah endures six years of imprisonment in a dark and lonely cell, forced to manufacture American Christmas tree lights, “Christian” baubles made by a persecuted Christian.

In America, we joyfully string Sarah’s lights on our trees to celebrate Christ’s birth. In China, Sarah sits in a lonely prison cell, humbly thanking her Savior for leaving a trail of blood, much like her own, on His way to die on the cross.

This is the kind of faith I want. The kind of faith that astonisheds people: “Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus” (Acts 4:13).

Yet how often do I hesitate to share the gospel with my friends, for fear they’ll think less of me? And how often would I rather sleep in an hour later than get up to read my Bible? And how often do I want to stay home and finish my homework rather than go to youth group?

In myself, I can’t live a Sarah kind of life. In myself, I don’t have the strength to endure such pain and still praise God. And in myself, I certainly can’t astonish people with my boldness. Yet:

It really is an astounding truth that the Spirit of Him who raised us from the dead lives in you. He lives in me. I do not know what the Spirit will do or where He’ll lead me each time I invite Him to guide me. But I am tired of living in a way that looks exactly like people who do not have the Holy Spirit of God living in them. I want to consistently live with an awareness of His strength. I want to be different today from what I was yesterday as the fruit of the Spirit becomes more manifest in me.

~Francis Chan, Forgotten God

God lives in us!! You and I probably won’t be seized from our homes tonight and brutally tortured. Yet, shouldn’t people be astounded by evidence of the Spirit in Christians,  not just when we make trails of blood on warehouse floors, but when we make history projects or make dinner?  

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price” (1 Cor. 6:19-20).

[Sarah's video--Disclaimer: this is an incredibly poignant video, but if you watch it, prepare to be horrified at the hideous torture this brave young woman endures. ]

Stuck in the small stuff

I haven't blogged in over a month. Mostly because I've been spending way too much time sitting at my desk, hunched over textbooks and Word documents. Sometimes I think school is overtaking me.

In my morning quiet time with God, I say, "I'm going to do better today, Lord. I'm going to rest in You, serve you, build my day around You."

But then the day starts, and there's synthesis essays to be written, government exams to be studied for, piano sonatas to be learned, solo and ensemble practices to attend, lessons to be taught, and French words to be memorized. And I think, How can I rest in God when I can barely rest long enough to eat dinner with my family? And how can I serve Him when I can't find the time to help make lunch? And how can I build my day around Him when my schedule is filled from the moment I wake up til the moment I go to sleep?

I start getting discouraged, thinking this life is a milisecond compared to eternity, and wondering, "will getting an A on my synthesis essay really matter in eternity, or even next year?"

Last night at youth group, we watched an amazing Francis Chan Bible study lesson about being missionaries. Sometimes, we think we have to do big things, like travelling Africa to serve orphans, to be missionaries for God. But as followers of God, when we surrender each day to Him, we can be missionaries right where we are, in whatever we're doing. I want to wake up each morning and say, "God, thank You for this day. Thank you for the opportunity to learn, for the opportunity to sing, for the opportunity to teach. Help me to do EVERYTHING in this day to Your glory." Right now, in the last few weeks before school ends, I can worship Him by taking advantage of the education He's given me, doing my best work, and being well-prepared to do whatever He has for me later in life. I can worship Him by encouraging my students and instilling in them a joy of learning music. I can worship Him in every note I sing. I can worship Him by expressing my gratitude to my teachers and my family. These aren't big acts of service, but if I do them with a heart surrendered to Him, a heart resting in His joy, they're still worship to Him.

I've always been ambitious to a fault, and it's hard for me not to be able to do something "big" for God right now. But for me right now, surrendering to Him in the small things is big.

God has a purpose for each of us, every day. For some people today, that purpose is serving orphans in Africa. For others, it's showing God's love to their children and their co-workers. For me, it's writing every synthesis essay, teaching every piano lesson, singing every song for His glory. How awesome to be able to worship the King of the Universe today, in those little things?!

"Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." ~ 1 Cor. 10:31

Jars of Clay

[Disclaimers--First, No, this post is not about "Jars of Clay" the band. Although their music is quite epic and I strongly suggest you listen to it :). Second, it was inspired by my LifeChange: 2 Tim. Bible study and the final quote is from my Life Application Bible :)]

“In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble puposes and some ignoble. If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes. Made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.” ~ 2 Timothy 2: 20-21

We are jars of clay. Sinful and imperfect vessels. Yet the King of the Universe desires to use us for His purposes. Isn’t it awesome to think that Jesus can use our lives—and use them for something truly unbelievable, beyond ourselves?!

                             Google Images

As overjoyed as we should be to allow God to use us for his purposes, sometimes we nurture attitudes that stymie the work of God's grace in us. For example:

-Trying to be justified by the law (Galations 5:4). Aka self-righteousness….thinking ourselves or something other than God's saving grace can make us right in God’s sight.
-Timidity (Hebrews 4:6). Doubting God can work through us.
-Pride (1 Peter 5:5). Trying to do things our own way, instead of surrendering to His Spirit.

Yes, these attitudes seem self-centered, but also painfully familiar. I can make myself right. I don't think God can work through me. I can fix this better than God can.

But doesn't it seem like the only appropriate response to God’s working in us is the opposite of self-centerdness--humility? Shouldn’t the knowledge of His work in us bring us to our knees and make us say, “Do whatever you want in me and through me, Lord”? Yet, unfortunately, sometimes God-centeredness is oh-so-much harder than it sounds.  

Now, sometimes (or shall we say often?) I struggle with pride (see my post, A Color-Coded Life). And as much as I prefer to call it independence, or efficiency, or something to that effect, that's really quite inaccurately euphemistic. I try to do things on my own, convincing myself that my planning or organization or color-codedness will fix all my problems. Yet somehow that never really works for me. It's when I come to the end of myself and realize I do a sloppy job of making myself right and I surrender to Jesus that things really start changing. In fact, when I surrender things to Him, they start becoming really and truly beautiful and working out in ways beyond what I could have imagined. How awesome to think that when I surrender to Him, He can use me, this cracked and flawed jar of clay, for glorious purposes, too.

"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves." ~ 2 Corinthians 4:7

As one of my all-time favorite verses (Ps. 18:35) says, "You stoop down to make me great!" How awesome is that?! The focus is not on the perishable container, but on its priceless contents.

 

You Take My Breath Away

Recently I was talking to a friend who grew up in a Christian family but had wandered down a very wrong path for several years. He said the reason he didn’t come back to God sooner was because he was afraid God wouldn’t forgive him for all the terrible things he’d done. But I love what he said about why he eventually returned to God: "I read that verse about God removing our sins from us as far as the east as from the west, and I realized, once you start going east, you just keep going! You never start going west. I realized God just loves me for me.” Our Savior loves us for us. How awesome is that?! His love is infinite, not dependedent on anything we've done or haven't done. The King of the universe looks at us and sees His beautiful creations, His children, His friends.

Sometimes I think, having grown up a Christian family and heard the doctrine of God’s love and forgiveness so often, I've lost a little bit of the absolute awe that His love should instill in me. His love is so much more than anything this world has to offer. His love should take my breath away, it is so incredibly, unimaginably beautiful that when God looks at me He sees His pure and spotless Son Jesus, not all the junk and sin in my life.

I want to have this love of Jesus. I want to look at people and not see their ourtward appearance or their accomplishments or their faults. I want to see a child infinitely loved by God.  

     I am the thorn in Your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas’ kiss
But You love me anyway

  "You Love Me Anyway" Sidewalk Prophets (my all-time favorite song :)

Official "You are More" music video

Live Like That

Sometimes I think
What will people say of me
When I'm only just a memory
When I'm home where my soul belongs

Was I love
When no one else would show up
Was I Jesus to the least of those
Was my worship more than just a song

I want to live like that

Am I proof
That You are who you say You are
That grace can really change a heart
Do I live like Your love is true

People pass
And even if they don't know my name
Is there evidence that I've been changed
When they see me, do they see You

I want to live like that

I want to show the world the love You gave for me
I'm longing for the world to know the glory of the King

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You

If love is who I am
Then this is where I'll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back

I want to live like that

~"Live Like That," Sidewalk Prophets

 I've always been ambitious. For as long as I can remember, I've been coming up with various business ventures (before I was ten I'd attempted to open a dog grooming shop, start an ice cream truck, and buy a patent for the vacuum cleaner), and I told my mom recently that I don't know what it feels like to be bored--she confirmed that even as a little girl I could always find something to do. Planning events, working to achieve academic success, trying to invent an instant-sunscreen machine--I am always aiming at something, for better or for worse.

I want to be this intense about my walk with Christ. I want to wake up every morning and say, "Okay, God, I know I'm alive today because You have a specific purpose for me, and I'm determined to fulfill it to the best of my abilities." Yet too often, I get so swept up in my own agenda and my own immediate results that I neglect the far greater purpose laid out for me. How incredible is it to know that the God of the Universe wants to use me today?! My day and my life should be centered on fulfilling the work He's laid out for me.

Recently I've been studying 2 Timothy with my Bible study group, and we learned that we must be prepared to preach the gospel "in season and out of season" (4:2). What a great reminder that we can serve God in any circumstance, day in and day out. After the newly saved Chuck Colson was sentenced to prison for his involvement in Watergate, he said, "What happened in court today was the court's will and the Lord's will--I have committed my life to Jesus Christ and I can work for Him in prison as well as out." After several months of seeing God work through him in prison, Colson prayed, "Lord, if this is what it is all about, then I thank You. I praise You for leaving me in prison, for letting them take away my license to practice law, yes--even for my son being arrested. I praise You for giving me Your love through these men, for being God, for just letting me walk with Jesus." This is surrender. Freedom in the midst of prison. Joy in the midst of pain. Realizing God can use you anywhere.

I want to live like that.

I Started this Week Flat on My Face....

(Project 31, Day 6..if you haven't noticed, I'm not going in order here. :)

...Literally. I'd watched some Christian friends who I respected and loved go down a path of worldliness. I was dismayed and discouraged, knocked flat by the jaded beauty and the messed-up priorities that infiltrate our world, wondering how people can change so quickly. I felt utterly helpless, and let's face it: organized, overly-planned me definitely does not like feeling helpless. When I did Beth Moore's wonderful Bible study Stepping Up a couple summers ago, I learned to pray prostrated in utter humility before my Savior. So that's exactly how I started this week: nose-to-the-ground on my bedroom floor, crying out to my Ever-Present Help in trouble.

Eventually I turned my Bible to Philippians 4:11 and read the verse about being content in all circumstances. Unfortunately, at that moment I really didn't feel like being content. "Doesn't God know the kind of day I've had?" a little voice inside me whined.

But God always knows what we need. The more I thought about that verse, the more I truly did feel like rejoicing in my Savior. Yes, people here change. Things here are hurtful. But God is still God, unchanging, always Enough for me, always my Rock, my Security, my joy. Even this painful situation shows His love; He is unfailing when everything else seems transient; He is graceful when people are ready to judge; He is beautiful and whole when the world seems fake and shallow.

What awesome truths to know and believe. How incredible that I am a recipient of the never-changing love of my Heavenly Father. But even beyond these truths about God, my time on the ground this week reminded me of two things about myself that I'm prone to forget. I realized I am:
1. Helpless without Him. Depending on my planning and critical thinking to solve life's problems is ludicrous when the One who created me desires to lead me every step of the way. I want my heart to always be in a position of utter humility before Him, whether I'm face down on my bedroom floor, or talking to my friends, or teaching a class of first-graders, or anything else.
2. Humbled, but not defeated. Yes, sometimes I'm knocked down and jaded by this world. But Jesus has made me more than a conqueror. I will use prayer to fight incessantly for those around me to see the truth: only Jesus can bring contentment and wholeness to life. (Quick plug here for one of my favorite books--Wrestling Prayer by Eric and Leslie Ludy has a whole wealth of information on this. :)

Crazy what you can learn with your nose on the ground, but then, I serve an awesome, unpredictable God.

Meant to Live

Project 31, Day 3

"Live for heaven and you get earth thrown in; live for earth and you get neither." ~C.S. Lewis

Sometimes I wonder if our world could possibly get more shallow. Like when I watch 7-year-olds getting brand-new iPod touches for Christmas. Or when I see teenagers who'd rather surf the internet on their phones than talk to you. Or Christian young people who are swept up in the high school soap-opera of who-likes-who rather than being consumed with Christ.

I'm currently reading this super-amazing book, Tramp for the Lord, by Corrie ten Boom. Corrie lived through an unimaginably hideous German concentration camp during World War II (for more on that story, read her book The Hiding Place). She was barely fed, forced to stand in the freezing cold for hours in threadbare rags, made to watch her sister Betsie and many other women die under the horrible cruelities of the guards. Just reading about it gives me the heeby-geebies, but Corrie knew that, to those who have found Jesus, where He is, it is heaven:

"Betsie and I walked to the square where roll call was being held in the concentration camp. ..The head of our barracks was so cruel that she had sent us out into the very cold outdoors a full hour too early. Betsie's hand was in mind. We went to the square by a different way from the rest of our barracks-mates. We were three as we walked with the Lord and talked with Him. 'Isn't this a bit of heaven!' Betsie had said. 'And Lord, this is a small foretaste. One day we will see You face to face, but thank You that even now You are giving us the joy of walking and talking with You.' Heaven in the midst of hell. Light in the midst of darkness. What a security!"

And farther on in the book...

"There [in Korea] I saw the poorest shack I had ever seen. It was a tiny lean-to, made from materials collected from the garbage heap--pieces of cardboard, tin cans which had been smashed flat, old boards...As we drove past, though, I heard the beautiful voice of a woman singing. Seldom, even in the concert halls of Europe, had I heard such a sweet voice. We stopped the car and listened, for it was like the song of a skylark. I said to the missionary who was travelling with me, 'Do you know that song?' 'Yes,' she said, 'it says, Where Jesus is, 'tis heaven there."

This is true beauty. Realizing that all the shallow, material comforts and fads of this world mean nothing. In the lowest valey or on the highest mountaintop there is joy if Jesus is there. That is what life should be: Living for something far greater than comfort or fun or popularity. Living for a Savior, being so enraptured with His love that nothing can separate you from His joy.

Oh Jesus, please show us what we were Meant to Live for.

Switchfoot: Meant to Live official music video